Wanted: Boat Captain

Nicknamed The Sparrow by industry veterans. Need crab fishermen to work long dangerous winters in Alaska. Blind. Able to swim and keep team of immigrants in order. Sailed the world on a sailboat made of toothpicks and stickies. Preference for soon-to-be-fathers. Captains will man boats for 3-4 months in harsh conditions. Parrothead with at least 30 Jimmy Buffett records to play on repeat 'cause we're on our way to Margaritaville. Baby carriage provided. Your baby will be born somewhere between Anchorage and Nome. Expectation that baby will be thrown overboard and raised by mer-people. Employer reserves publishing and film rights to baby's story. Pay is good unless it's not.