Wanted: Sound Enginner

21 year old female. Well shaved. Thin and delicious. Hi! We need a sound engineer for our Pittsburgh music venue. You'll work nights 5-6 days a week and take a cut of each performer's pay. Set the arena up, wait backstage, entertain the performers and clean up. First one in last one out. Highest paid. No criminal record. Preference for hairy buttcheeks in the winter and leathery gooch-muffins in the summer and spring. Apply by sending pubic hair and butt-spit to 877 Comptom Ave. 7th floor room 219.