Wanted: Entry Level Data Entry

Seeking full-time data entry analysts in the Greater New York City area to start immediately. Bachelors degree required. Desired tracks: Chemistry, Political Science, English or Psychology. Please apply with resume, references and an excel spreadsheet of every small business and their accompanying owner and telephone number within a 20 mile radius of your current location. Advancement opportunities are available. This company is growing fast fast fast. Startup environment. Jeans to work Fridays. Applicant should have no friends. Proof of Xbox Live or Playstation Plus experience a major plus. We're looking for applicants who can sit down and commit to one screen for at least a thousand hours. Applicant should be able to type at least 100 words per minute. Masturbating in your free time absolutely prohibited. Firm retains the right to release any analyst that can't do his or her job properly due to extracurricular activities. Say goodbye to your family. You have 10 minutes to hug your Mom and Dad goodbye. You might not have time for brothers and sisters. Bottle your tears and leave photos for them to remember you by. You'll be placed in public housing with an up-and-coming family of 12. They do not speak english. They do not speak any language. You'll be expected to cook, clean, run errands and protect the project with on 12 bullets per month. Keep the babies fed. Applicants that have underweight youths in their neighborhoods will be charged with murder and brought to Death Row immediately. Yoh Recruitment places America's most promising youths with America's most respected organizations.