Wanted: Surf Shop Sales Rep

Groovy Surf Shop seeks a sales rep out of its Maui location. $50,000-$100,000 salary starting. Applicant will travel 12 days per month to other surf shops and distributors on the West Coast United States. Groovy Surf Shop is a brick and mortar and e-commerce surf shop started in 2011 by 2 bros, Shell and Split Gonzalez. Applicant should have easy access to transportation. Preferred son of an oil-magnate with access to private jets and the most legal form of human slaves you can possess without damaging the Groovy brand by association. Attractive women only. Sex sells. Applicant should be willing to sleep with or fulfill fantasies of any client, regardless of order size, prior relationship or suspicions of sexually transmitted diseases. Hair should be thick enough to pack heroine and cocaine through Homeland security and TSA. Job comes with 28 full-paid vacation days, so long as you spend them travelling. Applicant should be high, deaf or dumb at the time of her interview. Please attach a resume, 2 strings of hair and a small bud of your favorite Marijuana strain in a manilla envelope. Draw a Turkey on the package and ship it to a man named Julio Downbytheschoolyard in Colombia. The authorities will contact your mother and father. If you squeal, they will die. Applicant is expected to pick up and move immediately after they get the position. Kawabunga Enterprises places hip young athletes in hip young companies for hip young experiences.