Wanted: POTUS

Debt-heavy financial company seeking outside leadership. POTUS applicant should have history of large scale advertising campaigns across all mediums, experience dealing with government officials and relationships with talk show hosts, reality stars or Hollywood producers. Pay is good with a+ retirement benefits, an ability to choose your own path after putting a few years in. Applicants should be comfortable bending over and picking up papers while higher-ups disguised as lower-downs tickle your gooch and spit in your asshole. Public speaking experience a must. You will be the representative for this organization and will have to craft a lot of public data into presentable bits of speeches that support investor confidence and keep customers happy. Headquartered in Washintgon, DC, applicant will be provided housing, transportation and free golf, basketball, etc. Applicants should have children free of defects and a puppy or kitty with at least 1 ailment. Preference for female applicants with strong connections. Expectations extremely low, opportunity to make cool new connections endless.