Wanted: Social Media Strategist

Required: 5 years experience, Agency experience preferred, track record of consistently quantifying hundreds of thousands of dollars in sales for telecom companies in the Florida/Mid-Atlantic areas. Ability to excel individually while remaining part of a team. Excellent verbal and written communication skills, proficiency in PHP/Javascript or C++ a major bonus. No criminal record. A sweet tooth for vanilla ice cream and written reviews on the last 12 docu-dramas you watched on a Tuesday. 6 children. 8 brothers and sisters a MUST. No puppies, girlfriends, boyfriends, cats, birds or other responsibilities. Willing to work long weekend hours with no notice. Live no more than 10 miles from our Office in Philadelphia, PA. This is a 2 year contract position. Please bring 2 resumes and a briefcase full of 50's, drop them at the front desk and ask for Layne the Alligator. Please show up on time, dress to sell your soul and do not smoke or drink within 98 hours of your sit-down interview. No you will not get this job. Contact: Urma Kagurma, Corporate Recruiter, Fuckyourshit Enterprises (Need a job in IT, Tech, Sales?)